From the outside, this house looks very unassuming. They always do. "I just discovered the greatest house listing of all time," @frazierapproves wrote on Twitter. You'd never know what's to come by looking at this picture.
When you see the yard, you think, according to @frazierapproves, "Wow, that's somewhat surprising." And sure. This picture is not exactly what I expected from looking at the front of the house. For one, there's a lot of fencing. A lot of it. And those windows! It looks more like an apartment building for seniors than a single family home.
The whole pool situation is a little confusing. It looks like an above-ground pool, but it appears to be almost on the same level of the ground. Still, odd as that is, it's relatively normal.
But then we get inside. The decor is certainly something. I have to say, when I looked at that modest brick Pittsburgh house, I didn't think, "Hm, I bet the interior is filled to the brim with dead animal skins and a spiral staircase." But here we are.
And yes, that spiral staircase seems to lead to a small upstairs balcony full of books and gargoyle statues. That space-themed wall might seem out of place now, but wait until you see the dining room.
OK, we've done it. We've officially crossed the realm into the weird. Why does this room exist? Where is it in relation to the animal skin rooms? These are questions that I cannot answer.
They include a picture of the same room from a different angle, as if you will see this and say, "Ah yes, now I get it." But it still makes no sense.
The Zillow description is amazing because it tries so hard to tie all the rooms in the house together. "Enter the door to a 13th-century castle decor sunken living room with dramatic, high, oak-beamed ceilings, hardwood floor, brick fireplace, a ladder to an elevated library. Time travel at warp speed to the 25th-century starship. A talking space alien greets you as you walk toward the floor-to-ceiling outer space wall mural."
It continues, "The dining room command center rear wall opens up to the spaceship main bridge, working computer and controls from an Apache helicopter, speakers, and a 55-inch screen (TV works). Even though the listing agent worked hard to connect the 13th-century castle to the 25th-century spaceship deck, there was little he could do to make sense of the rooms that come next.
That, my friends, is a "tropical island themed" bedroom, aka a bedroom with a floor completely full of sand. Hypothetical question: What if you... don't want this? Can you vacuum up all that sand? How do you get it out of the house? I have a feeling you don't.
This monstrosity of a house can be yours for just $159,900, which isn't bad if you, you know, want to live in a 1,075 sq. ft house whose decor manages to span an entire millennium.