This Woman Had the Time of Her Life With Her New Label Maker

Joe Arroyo and his wife bought his sister a label maker as a wedding gift. She went crazy labelling everything in the most hilarious way she could.

Robin Zlotnick - Author

Aug. 19 2019, Updated 1:56 p.m. ET

label maker featured
Source: Facebook

I don't care what you say. It's always funny to make up different, silly words for everyday things. And it's always fun to use a label maker. This story combines both of those in glorious fashion. When Joe Arroyo and his wife bought his sister a label maker for her wedding, chances are they didn't realize just how much fun she'd have with it. 

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Remember when Tom in 'Parks and Rec' explained all his ridiculous terms for boring old words?

tom haverford
Source: NBC

Desserts were "'zerts." Chicken parm was "chickie chickie parm parm." Air conditioners were "cool blasterz." Forks? "Food rakes." Well, Tom Haverford can't hold a candle to Joe Arroyo's brilliant sister. She went ham with her new label maker all over her home in the funniest way possible.


Eggs are "really young chickens." Obviously. Why say in one word what you can say in three? For Tom Haverford, they were "pre-birds" or "future birds," so he and Joe's sister were very much on the same page. 

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Laundry detergent

Laundry detergent cleans your clothes. Laundry sauce throws a party for your pants. Laundry detergent methodically soaps up your shirts. Laundry sauce sensually massages cleaning fluid into your threads. You see the difference? Yeah. You see the difference.

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What is coffee other than brown water that makes you awake? She's just speaking the truth. The only other accurate word for it is "poop juice." That's its only other function. While I don't drink coffee myself (it upsets my stomach to a crazy degree), I wish I could so I could stay awake and poop well every day. 

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Garbage disposal

I've only lived in one or two apartments in my time that have had garbage disposals, and my goodness, it's terrifying. I don't wish it on anybody. Garbage disposals definitely cause more trouble than they're worth. "Sink demon" is the perfect name for them.

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I don't know why, but calling bread "raw toast" sounds really gross. It makes it seem like you shouldn't be eating it if it's not toasted. But I suppose it's just like lots of vegetables that you can eat either raw or cooked. 

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Booby traps

Calling your bras "booby traps" is extra clever because booby traps are actually a thing! Bras have historically been called lots of things. My favorite term for them happens to be "over the shoulder boulder holders." I mean, come on. That's hilarious!

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Bread moisturizer

Butter is pretty much the best bread moisturizer out there. Believe me, I've tried all of the moisturizers out there on my bread. Aveeno, Aquafor. They all taste terrible. But butter? Butter's great. Moisturizing and tasty. 

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Here's where she and I differ. I don't believe that popcorn, Cheetos, and chips are "dinner spoilers" at all. I would actually call them "meal replacements." If you mindlessly eat a half a bag of movie theater popcorn, you don't even have to eat dinner! It's foolproof!

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Macallan 12! That's some pretty nice scotch — excuse me, "Goodnight Juice." This is the best use of a label maker that I have ever seen. Clearly, Joe's sister is a master. If there was an Olympics of making labels, she would win gold. 

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