Occasionally a post pops up on Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" subreddit that is so infuriating that the entire place explodes with support for the poster. This is one such post. Just wait until you get a load of this toxic and broken family. Unless we're not hearing the whole story here, there is no way this poor woman is wrong for holding her ground.
Paperweightfairy first gives us some background on the situation. She has been with with her fiancé for eight years, and they've been engaged for three. She has been juggling wedding planning with doing her PhD program, and so they booked their dream venue for after her graduation. It worked out perfectly because this very popular wedding venue was booked until then anyway. After all that waiting and planning, the time has finally come. Their wedding is in September of this year (literally a month from now).
Now, you may understand this already, but since I am in the throes of it myself, I feel it is my duty to express just how much of an ordeal it is to plan a wedding. It's super hard. It takes up so much of your time. There's a whole industry around wedding planning for a reason: It's a full-time job. And trying to planning a wedding while also working or doing a PhD program is no small feat. This woman and her fiancé have been hard at work planning their dream wedding for three years now.
Her sister got engaged a few months ago, and they planned to get married in spring of next year. They'd set a date and had a few vendors lined up but no venue yet.
Here's where it gets ugly. Just a few days ago, the girls' parents invited them over for a family BBQ. Significant others and extended family were all in attendance. There, the sister announced that she was pregnant. Everyone was ecstatic!
But then Nan (frickin' Nan!) asked if she planned to keep the wedding date or wait until after the baby was born. That's when the sister said she wanted to move her wedding to September. Now, if I was the poster, I'd be kind of pissed! I don't want my sister stealing my thunder and getting married in the same month as me. But she didn't think it was a big deal. "We don't have many out of town guests so they could attend both weddings no problem," she wrote. A class act.
However, the sister took it a step further, turned to her and said, "I was really really hoping we could kinda like take your venue? I really cannot stress myself too much with planning a wedding while going to maternity classes. And I think it is so beautiful! It would really mean a lot to me."
I mean, the audacity to ask your sister if you could swoop in and take her entire wedding. It's insane! I'll give you a minute to pick your jaw up off the floor. But you might want to leave it there because what happens next is even more shocking.
Apparently, everything went silent. Her brother-in-law, to his credit, looked upset with his fiancé and told her it wasn't OK to put her on the spot like this, but her sister just said, "Don't be like that! My sister wants to do what's best for me so it's no big deal, right?"
The poster very calmly and reasonably responded, "Well, it kind of is. I don't know. I have my heart really set on the venue." Of course she does! She's been planning this wedding for three years! It is her dream venue. She's been with her fiancé for over a decade and finally, they are so close to tying the knot just how they planned, so perfect and personal to them. Surely, her family understands, right? Wrong.
The sister stormed off crying. Nan (frickin' Nan, man!) told her she was being selfish. Her own mother said, "You waited three years. Would it have killed you to wait a few more months? When has your sister ever asked you for something?" Her dad tried to play the whole "it doesn't matter where you get married, just who you're marrying" crap. If that's true, the sister — who was already planning a different wedding — should find an alternate time and place to do it. This is bonkers.
It's like these people are all living in an alternate reality where wedding venues and vendors, a month before the wedding, after contracts have been signed and deposits deposited, will just be like, "Oh, you want to give it to your sister? And then push your wedding a few months? Sure, when were you thinking? We're free all winter!" That's not realistic! At all! Oh man, I am so angry.
She and her fiancé got so mad they left the party. Her sister called her crying, telling her it was unfair she always got what she wanted. Excuse me? She gets this because she spent three years planning it! Ahhhh! I have no words. Weddings make people crazy, for sure, but this is like, next level bonkers.
Her family threatened not to come to their wedding at at all. She didn't know what to do. Luckily, the entirety of Reddit was on her side. The post was reposted to relationship_advice, where commenters said things like, "I cannot even believe your parents are supporting this selfish behavior. Screw all of them. Keep your wedding as planned," and, "Please don't give up your special day for people who are manipulative and toxic."
One commenter even took it so far as to say you "don't negotiate with terrorists." It really seems like her family is trying to terrorize her and gaslight her into thinking she's in the wrong for not giving up the entire wedding she spent three years planning specifically for her and her fiancé. No matter how much she tries to explain how much this day means to her, they're not going to respond to logic at this point.
Some commenters are concerned that the family is just getting started and will do things like refuse to take part in the wedding, shut her out of their lives, and try to blackmail her into giving up her wedding. But she plans to stay strong.
In an update to her original post, she explains that her brother-in-law called to offer his support. He is super angry with his fiancé (her sister), and of course, the sister is blaming her for him being angry.
Her whole family is sticking to their story, with the exception of one aunt, who took her side. So, she booted her sister from the bridal party and gave that aunt a role in her wedding. Her mom called her future parents-in-law to tell on them, but luckily, her fiancé's parents took their side. They had a screaming match and now her in-laws are on their way to help them out and provide them comfort.
The last line of her update reads, "On another note my sister sent me a really long text basically saying that I am not her sister anymore."
I feel so horrible for her. It's like her entire family exists on a different plane where somehow the only option for a quick wedding is to steal the existing wedding of a family member who's been working hard to plan for three years. Her sister could go to city hall. They could plan a party at their house. They could wait until after the baby is born and plan their dream wedding then.
But her family is acting like it's "no big deal" to give up the wedding she's been working so hard to plan for herself and her fiancé. You get it. I get it. Most people get it. There's just no explaining logic or decency to this entire family, it seems. And that's what's so frustrating and heartbreaking about this situation. I hope they have the best wedding ever and that her family someday, somehow, sees the light.
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