31 of the Best Halloween Jokes for Kids That Will Have You Dying Laughing
Because sometimes, Halloween can be so funny it's scary.
Published Oct. 30 2025, 9:03 p.m. ET
While every Halloween offers the chance for us kids at heart to have a good time without any judgment (well, not too much, depending on whether you have a spooky adversary in your life), at some point in our adult lives, we have to admit that, in some ways, the holiday is for the actual kids who are under 18. And part of the fun of being a kid on Halloween, besides dressing up and picking up free candy from strangers, is being silly and laughing with your friends.
If you're a kid reading this or want the kid in your life to be the comedian in their trick-or-treating circle, we've crafted a list of some of the most hilarious child-friendly Halloween jokes that will make your stomach hurt more than the handfuls of sweet and sour treats.
Here's our list of the 31 best Halloween jokes for kids.
Q: What do ghosts wear when their eyesight gets blurred?
A: Spooktacles
Q: What’s it like being kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.
Q: What did one ghost say to the other?
A: Get a life!
Q: What kind of underwear do mummies buy?
A: Fruit of the tomb.
Q: What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
A: Buckle your sheet belt!
Q: What do mummies like to put on top of their dessert?
A: Whipped scream
Q: Wanna know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No Body
Q: What is a recess at a mortuary called?
A: A Coffin Break!
Q: Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?
A: Because she had bad blood.
Q: Why did the vampire go to the doctor
A: She couldn’t stop coffin!
Q: Why can’t vampires go to barbecues during the summer?
A: They’re afraid of the stakes.
Q: Have you heard about the poor witch who won the lottery?
A: It was a rags to witches story.
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?
A: They had no body to go with!
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: You can see right through them!
Q: Why don’t mummies take time off work?
A: They’re afraid to unwind.
Did you hear about the crazy vampire? He was totally batty.
Q: What happens to witches who break school rules?
A: They get ex-spelled!
Q: Why didn’t the scarecrow finish dinner?
A: It was already stuffed!
Q: What do demons eat for breakfast?
A: Devilled eggs!
Q: Why do ghosts like to ride in elevators?
A: It lifts their spirits!
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?
A: Spare ribs!
Q: What position does the ghost play in soccer?
A: Ghoul-keeper.
Q: Why don’t witches wear flat hats?
A: There’s no point!
Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?
A: Wrap music!
Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange!
Q: What do you call candy that tells jokes?
A: Snickers!
Q: What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite
Q: Why do skeletons hate the cold?
A: They don’t have the guts to handle it!
Q: What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
A: Mas-scare-a
Q: Why was the jack-o’-lantern so smart?
A: He had a lot of candle-power!
Q: What kind of monster loves math?
A: Count Dracula