In high school, I had jaw surgery. I remember meeting the anesthesiologist, who asked me if I was a Mets fan or a Yankees fan (I'm from New York and I'm a Mets fan for life). Then I remember him telling me to count backward from 100. I got to 98, and that's it. Don't remember anything else. Hours later, I woke up puking in a recovery room. My parents were there. A while after, I woke up again and went home in a daze. I don't think I said anything particularly silly or inappropriate because I know my parents would still be making fun of me to this day if I had.
But plenty of people say some weird stuff when they're loopy. And it is always reliably funny. In a recent Ask Reddit thread, anesthesiologists, doctors, nurses, and former patients share the craziest things they've heard or said while going under or coming out of anesthesia.
Doc___2020 had a live one recently! The patient had just had ankle surgery and was being wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair. The anesthesiologist accidentally knocked the door frame on the way out, and the patient asked, "Did you just do surgery on my leg?" The doctor replied, "Yes, you had surgery and are waking up from it." So the patient goes, "Then why are you running into things?" Sick burn, Loopy McGee!!
This ones is too funny. Janski12 was a tech when one of their patients violently woke up and said, "Sorry, I thought I was a shark." I'd want to know every detail, but he probably didn't even remember what he was doing as a shark!
Some doctors just shouldn't try being funny. Are you a comedian? No, you're a doctor. Maybe stick to doing what you do best. When CoreCorg was a little kid getting surgery, their anesthesiologist told a joke to calm them down while they were being put under. In their loopy state, they talked about how the joke wasn't funny at all and they "hoped he was more talented as a doctor."
When you're thirsty, you're thirsty! OAMP47 woke up from surgery in a recovery room with several other people, and they heard someone being asked if they wanted water. This set OAMP47 off! They yelled, "Hey, ask me if I want water!" in a "let me speak to your manager" tone. For some reason, they were super excited about the idea of drinking water.
Being on good drugs can make you feel like you're floating in outer space, so this one kind of makes sense. After autofillmesomething got their wisdom teeth out, they turned to their mother-in-law and asked, "How did you get on my rocket ship?" Valid question.
Nurses often get the brunt of the weird and inappropriate comments from patients, but this one is actually kind of sweet. After Lemansblu had nasal canal surgery, they were holding the nurse's hand and saying, "I love you. Don't leave me," over and over and over. They don't remember doing this at all.
Often, the music that's playing in the background can prompt ridiculously silly responses from patients on drugs. The last thing ohmahjah remembers from their wisdom teeth surgery is "Billie Jean" coming on and saying, "Glad Michael Jackson could join us!"
I love this one a lot. Creativeandwonderful's husband was having surgery and while on drugs kept telling the medical staff, "It's OK. My wife's a doctor. She knows what you're talking about." The only thing is...she's not. She is a lawyer with a doctorate, but that doesn't mean she had any idea what the doctors were talking about. We love a supportive husband, though.
Sometimes, the things people say are really mysterious and creepy and it makes you wonder what's going on inside their heads. After 44Hydras' wisdom teeth surgery, they started going on and on about "dark doors and mind bees that were tearing me apart from the inside." They don't remember any of this and have no idea what they were talking about...and neither do we.
When you're coming out of anesthesia, it can take a while for you to get all your fine motor skills back. This was hilariously on display when lyrarose24 was recovering from surgery. They asked for a Gatorade, took the bottle, and "maintaining direct eye contact" with their mom, "tipped it upside down nowhere near my mouth." Gatorade went everywhere and they were really confused. And that's the last thing they remember. They just shrugged and went back to sleep with Gatorade all over them.
Some people are funniest when they are loopy on drugs. BikToe had a good one when they were about to go in for surgery. They were being strapped to the hospital bed, and the doctors explained that it was so they wouldn't fall off the table. BikToe replied, "It's OK, five-second rule." HA!
Updoots4u shared two hilarious stories about patients coming out of anesthesia. The first asked, "Am I in hell?" and they responded "No, you're not, you're just in recovery." This sounded suspicious, so the patient said, "That sounds like something the devil would say. Count backwards from 100 to prove it." Because it's apparently a well-known fact that the devil can't count backward from 100.
The other patient was stroking their arm while they were trying to keep him from pulling at his IV, and he said, "You'd make such a great carpet." I guess you have to take that as a compliment.
Sometimes, people coming out of anesthesia talk a big game. AdmiralEsarai knows a guy who wasn't allowed to leave yet because the nurses didn't think he was quite recovered enough from the anesthesia. So he told the nurse he was a ninja and ninjas heal three times faster than normal people. At that, she let him get out of bed and he immediately fell on the floor.
Occasionally, the thing the patient says makes sense, but they don't provide enough context and end up totally freaking out the nurses. CelestialTyrant was getting a colonoscopy, and when the nurse removed the IV, he said, "Oh that's neat. I've taken a lot of those out, but I've never had it done to me, and my patients are always dead."
What he neglected to mention was that he was a funeral director, and often hospitals don't remove tubing after a patient has died. Then, he told that same, poor nurse that she had a nice butt, but that it wasn't as nice as his wife's. That one's kind of sweet. Still feel bad for that nurse and her mediocre butt, though.
This story is really crazy. Calliope719's husband woke up from anesthesia and appeared to be completely with it. He asked the doctor serious questions, remembered the procedure, and walked out of the hospital no problem. He was craving Chinese food, so they headed to a buffet, filled up their plates, and sat down, and that's when he actually woke up. He didn't remember anything from between the time he went under and the moment he woke up sitting "in front of a plate of chicken teriyaki on a stick." Bizarre.
Thedavecan is a nurse with a hilarious story. They were putting a woman under, put the mask on her face, and said, "Nice big breaths." Right before she passed out, she said, "Thanks, I just had them done." Ba-dum CH! Now, instead, they say, "Slow, deep breaths," so there's not confusion.
Svenovid simply could not help hitting on everyone around them while they were going under. They looked at the anesthesiologist and said, "God you're attractive. But I'm sure you hear that every day." When they came to, they hit on all the nurses. All of them. They even asked if one of the the nurses was single. She was not, and she let them down gently.
Mars_Arbiter's brother was heavily swayed by Yo Gabba Gabba!, which was on TV as he was coming out of anesthesia. On the show, they were drawing pictures, so he wanted to draw one himself. After five minutes, he had drawn (drum roll please)...a bottle of mustard.
He also thought the blood pressure cuff on his arm was a pet octopus and insisted on stopping at the pet store on the way home from the hospital to get supplies. Too funny.
Being on anesthesia can make you feel weird in ways that you've never felt weird before. After bottle_O_pee's wisdom teeth surgery, they woke up and said, "My bones feel wet. Can I have a napkin?" Ostensibly, they needed the napkin to dry their bones.
Carpenoctumm's dad is an anesthesiologist, and one time, he said to a woman, "I'm putting you to sleep now." It was poor phrasing because she became instantly horrified and asked, "Like a dog???" No, not like a dog. Shh. Go to sleep.
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