"She Asked Me to Tone Down the Color": Sister of Bride Is Forced to Dye Her Hair as Bridesmaid

A bride asks her sister to be a bridesmaid — but only if she tones down her hair color.


Jun. 19 2024, Published 12:41 p.m. ET

bridesmaid told to change hair color for wedding
Source: Getty Images; Mumsnet

We've all been there: insecurity about our looks.

So when we find something we actually like about ourselves, it would be a shame to have to change it, right?

Well, that's the conundrum a woman who goes by the name PiperLeo on Mumsnet is facing.

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Piper is going to a bridesmaid in her sister's wedding. (We'll call the sister Sydney.)

Sydney has requested that Piper change her hair color ahead of the ceremony.

But Piper loves her hair. She's had it dyed a specific color for a decade. And it makes her feel more confident, when she's already struggling with body image as it is.

So who's in the right here? Is Sydney being a bridezilla, or is she well within her rights to ask for what she wants on her big day?

European plus size woman in headphones smoking vape electronic cigarette. Young red pink haired body positive girl - stock photo
Source: Getty Images

Stock photo

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A bride wants her bridesmaid sister to tone down her dyed red hair.

In her post on Mumsnet, Piper explains:

"I have bright red hair. I love the color. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue.)"

But Sydney has requested that Piper "tone down the color."

"She initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me," Piper writes. "But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural color (auburn).

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Piper notes that when their other sister got married the year prior, Piper had actually dyed her hair to a more plum color because she was afraid that sister might not approve of her red hair. But that sister hadn't even said anything about it, and Piper wasn't even a bridesmaid anyway. It was all for naught.

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Now, Piper wants to know whether she's being unreasonable "to think that my hair color shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at [the bride] and not me?"

"Or am I being selfish?" she added. "I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)"

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While most folks were on the bridesmaid's side, some people understood where the bride was coming from.

The majority of Mumsnet users in the comments section of Piper's post took her side immediately.

"You're not her accessory, you don't have to color-match. She's being selfish," wrote one user. Another person echoed this with: "You aren’t a prop for her wedding pics."

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"Bit weird she doesn’t want you to look like you when she looks back at her photos," noted another.

bridesmaid told to change hair color for wedding
Source: Mumsnet

This commenter suggested a compromise.

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Some folks sort of understood where Sydney was coming from, though.

One commenter said that while Piper was not being unreasonable, "does [your sister] perhaps think you did what you did for your other sister's wedding at her behest, and therefore that's why it's OK for her to ask this if you?"

In other words, the fact that Piper dyed her hair for their other sister's wedding may have set some sort of precedent.

What do you think? Who's in the right here?

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