20 of the Spookiest Carved Pumpkins of All Time

These spooky pumpkins are not just scary faces... they illustrate truly frightening things, like student loans and decaf coffee! Ahhhh!

Robin Zlotnick - Author

Oct. 28 2019, Updated 3:34 p.m. ET

featured scary pumpkins
Source: Instagram / Twitter

With Halloween on the horizon, people everywhere are starting to decorate the spookiest, scariest pumpkins they can think of. But scarier than the scariest jack-o'-lantern face is...every single one of these pumpkins, which will scare your pants off with real-life horrors everyone has to deal with. Just make sure you have the lights on when you scroll through this list. 

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Your face

Ah! Nothing's scarier than your face. Because it's ugly! Just kidding, it's because it's so beautiful that it makes me feel inadequate, and feelings of inadequacy are not easy to deal with.

Shark attack

That poor fisherman has no idea they are about to be attacked by the biggest shark the world has ever seen, which makes this the spookiest scene I've ever seen on a pumpkin! Especially because the fisherman is about to catch that fish, too!

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No WiFi

There's nothing to do when the wifi is down except start drinking whiskey, am I right? This looks like simultaneously the saddest and most badass Halloween evening of all time.

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Two-percent battery

AH! Just last night I was innocently hanging out on my phone, looked up to the corner, and saw that my battery was at one percent! It was horrifying! I swear you've never seen me run toward a phone charger so fast.

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Not only does looking at this pumpkin make me terrified, but it also makes me sleepy. The absolute horror of getting decaf coffee when you ordered regular is scarier than Hereditary, The Exorcist, and The Conjuring combined. 

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Check engine light

The feeling of dread and terror when my check engine light pops on is unparalleled, so this pumpkin really got to me. It's just such an ordeal! You have to take your car in and whatever's wrong is going to cost money that you would definitely rather spend on anything else.

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Listen, taxes are important and good. But when you see the actual number that comes out of your paycheck every month, it can be a little bit horrifying. And taxes get even spookier when you think about all the billionaires and giant corporations who aren't paying their fair share!

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Out of wine

This isn't scary. It's just unacceptable. Running out of wine is one of those possibilities that I can't even entertain because it's so unthinkably scary. Always, always have a backup bottle.

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Student loans

This might actually be the scariest one on the whole list. Graduates everywhere are constantly burdened by thousands of dollars of debt because college has gotten nearly prohibitively expensive for most. This is a fear that one can only hope is eliminated after the 2020 election.

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Tired mom

She hasn't slept in days, she's pumping milk, and she's in charge of three small children all on her own. This vision of an overtired, overworked mom is so scary because it's so real. 

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Brace Face

Anyone who has extensive orthodontic work in their teens know how unnerving this brace face pumpkin is. Can you imagine how easily Halloween candy gets stuck in this pumpkin's teeth? No Twix for sure!

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When I think about burpees, literally the worst exercise of all time, I feel like the pumpkin on the right, which is clearly throwing up its guts. If you've ever done a workout that involved burpees, you know how terrifying this is.

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This is probably the most purely scary looking pumpkin on the list, and it could signify so many terrifying things! It could be a reference to snow and global climate change. But it could also signify "Winter is coming" and reference the last season of Game of Thrones, which was scarily disappointing.

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Dog pooping

Have you ever witnessed someone let their dog poop on your lawn and then run away without cleaning it up?! It's one of real life's greatest horrors because it makes you realize just how psychotic some people are. Pick up your dog's poop!

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House prices

Dun dun DUN!!!! I will tell you I gasped when I saw this horrific pumpkin. Home prices are wildly out of control and there are nearly no young people I know who are actually buying homes these days. The scariest part of all this is I have no idea when this is going to change.

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Comic Sans

The worst and spookiest font isn't that creepy one with the slimy-looking letters. It's Comic Sans! Any time I see Comic Sans out in the wild, it truly hurts my heart and my soul. It truly seems like we will be haunted by Comic Sans forever. 

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The male ego

Never has there been something so fragile and so terrifying at the same time! I feel like so many actual horror movies explore the terrifying effects of the male ego. Jaws and Scream are the ones that immediately come to mind.

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Oh no. If you are a writer or work in any project-based profession, you know how terrifying this pumpkin is. I can see them now... The all-nighters, the coffee after coffee, the multiple procrastination sessions on Twitter...

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Um, I kind of love this pumpkin, but it's very clearly supposed to be a person holding their butt open, and if that's not scary, I don't know what is. Even spookier would be if the butt farted and a flame shot out of the opening!

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Not to get political, but this Brexit pumpkin is very scary and very of-the-times. We hope that sometime soon, these terrors are things of the past and we can go back to being scared by toothless pumpkins with triangle eyes. But until then....... BOO!!

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