People are deeply weird. Some days, I'm like, "Hmm, I think people are probably mostly normal." And then I will look at Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace and I will realize, no. People are not mostly normal. People are deeply off their rockers. Delusional. Insane. Just plain weird. Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace specifically are filled to the brim with people trying to peddle the most bizarre things for Too Much Money. Here are some of the best (worst) ones.
You can't milk cats and use it in your cereal! You especially can't milk stray cats and then consume it! What diseases do those feral felines have? Do not, and I cannot stress this enough, buy feral cat milk off of someone on Facebook Marketplace.
Sure you can have this Chevy engine for $300, but you also have to bring a chainsaw and dig it out of a tree. I have a hard time believing the person who posted this ad actually even owns that engine. They probably just walked by it one day and decided to try to sell it.
Clowns are supposed to be funny. There is exactly nothing funny about this clown clock. I don't what it is. Maybe it's the amputated baby doll heads and limbs. That could be it. This is definitely what Sid from Toy Story grew up to make.
If I saw this on a house share ad, I would immediately run in the other direction. This just seems like a regular shower with a bunch of dirt in it, and standing on dirt is like, the opposite of what you are trying to achieve when you take a shower.
Who knew that "wasp parts" were... actually parts of a wasp. Is this person seriously selling each part separately? What would anyone want with these? I suppose you could scatter them around your garden to send a message to the other wasps, but I don't think intimidation works with them!
Wyatt Earp pistol shaped Hot Cheeto
There are more than a few people trying to sell snacks that look like other objects on Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace, but $900 is steep, even for this sort of grift. Note that it's an extra $13 for shipping too.
Potato carved nativity scene
This is perfect for the person who celebrates both Christmas and Hanukkah because you can celebrate the story of Jesus and then grate him up to make latkes. Is it sacrilegious? No! It's bi-religious!
Extremely full ketchup packet
For some reason, the phrase "extremely full ketchup packet" made me giggle very much. It's hilarious. But let's get real. No one's going to spend $10 on a ketchup packet that's probably not "extremely full" of ketchup but of air and botulism, I assume.
This woman is really trying to sell burritos that she's making barefoot on the floor. What?! In what world would anyone buy these? That's so gross, I can't even. And she's displaying the fact that she's making them on the floor as if that will be a selling point. Ma'am, I assure you it is not.
Well, howdy! Welcome to the nightmare of all nightmares, the image that will forever haunt you, the picture that will follow you through the forest and appear every time you look at a tree! There is nothing OK about these.
Teddy bear made of chicken
Haven't you ever wanted to be able to snuggle straight-up salmonella before? Then this teddy bear made out of chicken is for you! Seriously, what are you supposed to do with this thing that looks like a toy Leatherface would have made for his dog to play with? It's horrifying.
Used roller skates
Today I learned that some people have a very loose definition of what constitutes "roller skates." These are definitely rubber rain boots attached to rolling chair bottoms with that looks like gaff tape.
Inverted hot dog
Not going to lie, $3 seems like a steal for an inverted hot dog. An innovation of this magnitude? Yours for less than five dollars? This dude (I assume it's a dude) needs to patent his invention as soon as possible. The inverted hot dog is going to change the world!
Jason Statham cheetah
Oh course this person is selling a ceramic cheetah with Jason Statham's head. I'm not even surprised anymore. Of course this is happening. All I want to know is if this was the plan from the beginning. Or did they build the cheetah body and then went, "You know what would make this more interesting? The head of action star Jason Statham!"? I need to know how this came to be.
Human skull end table lamp
My first (of many...many) questions is, "Is this a real human skull?" Depending on the answer to that question, I have approximately 79,000 more. The problem with this world is that not only is there someone trying to sell this for $400 but that someone out there will probably buy it.
Taxidermy rat underwear
The only reaction I have to this pair of "sexy" underwear made out of what looks like two taxidermy rats is, "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." I'm at a loss. The Chanel logo kills me.
Come on, guy! No one wants your clearly expired packet of bologna even if it's unopened. What does "stayed cold for a long time" mean?! And $20! Who are you kidding?!
Plastic sandwich bags
This is probably the most ordinary object someone could try to sell online... which makes it the creepiest! Who would buy a "lightly used" plastic Ziploc bag for $1 when you can buy a box of 50 new ones for like $2?! The logic...it's just missing...
The audacity of this person to charge nearly $300 for that catastrophe. Man, I wish I had their level of unearned confidence. Minnie Mouse looks like she's having a severe allergic reaction to something. That's not what I want my cake to look like.
Locked iPhone (finger included)
"It's locked but I have the finger," they wrote. Then they provided a picture of the finger. I just...excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. This has to be a joke, right? Right?! Someone please tell me it's a joke!