Online dating can be a cesspool sometimes, where you're always kind of disappointed with the people you match with and even if you are excited to talk to them, you're the one who has to end up carrying the conversation. And even if you do hit it off through text, you meet up with them in person and it turns out that they can't shut up about essential oils or how sad they are that The Office is no longer on air.
But there are some folks you know are immediate swipe-lefts from the second you get on a dating app, and there are tons of people who certainly think this dude is. Look, we've all got some relationship deal breakers — mine is if you can't at least appreciate Orville Peck — but this dude has a laundry list of crazy expectations you can tell were all bred from what seems like a slew of "bad" online dating experiences.
Or maybe just browsing people's profiles. While most people would just nope the heck out of there and go about their merry day, Stephen's bio was spotted by Clara Melapple, who added screenshots of his "Key Requirements" to her TikTok page. She routinely posts weird online dating profiles and has racked up hundreds of thousands of views in doing so, and people sure are getting a hoot out of his.
Here's some of what Stephen expects from prospective romantic interests, which I've translated from UK-a-nese for the most part:
- No single moms.
- You can't be over 140 pounds.
- "No pansexuals, no genders, any of that bollox"
- No month to month phone plans
- No homecare
- No essential oils
- No bath bombs on their social media stories
- No motivational quotes
- No debt
He also added that he gets a TON of messages from girls, probably because he's so hot and in demand ya'll, so he wants to let you know that if you are thinking of messaging him and fail his litmus test based on what he's posted, that you should move on your merry way and find someone who can tolerate you showing off a bath bomb on a social media post because eww, what's wrong with you.
Some of his requirements are a bit weird though, like the whole bit about having "no mental health." What does that even mean?
And while posting motivational quotes are kind of weird, what's the problem with having a month-to-month cell phone plan? Some of us don't like being locked up in a contract, Stephen.
Unless he wants to make sure that you have decent enough credit to sign up for a cell phone plan, I mean, who wants to shack up with someone who's got a crumby credit score and potentially have their entire livelihood ruined because the person they fell in love with couldn't be bothered to get on the phone with Experian, or whatever credit bureaus they have in the U.K.?
Tons of people couldn't help but roast the dude for his stringent dealbreakers on Clara's post. What do you think? Is this a cry for help from a person who's been burnt by so many people online? Or is he a deluded psycho?
Poor Stephen, let's hope the 32-year-old finds love someday.