Writer and comedian Zak Toscani is sharing what he claims to be a 100 percent true story that is unfolding in his office. One of his co-worker's got their lunch stolen—a common and extremely frustrating occurrence in the workplace. But the co-worker is not taking it lying down! He demanded to see the security tape, and everyone freaked out.
First, Toscani got into the specifics. We need to know what was stolen to understand the severity of the crime. Shrimp fried rice deserves punishment, as it's not a mere slap on-the-wrist offense.
After the office was unable to identify the culprit after sniffing around the office kitchen, Zak generously gave us an update as to the victim's new findings:
It turns out, the thief didn't even eat the food. The woman was caught on camera removing someone's lunch form the fridge and throwing it straight in the trash. Which is not only utterly thoughtless — if we were talking tuna sandwich territory, I'd give it a pass. But this is shrimp fried rice, in case anyone needs any reminding.
The guy whose lunch was trashed for no clear reason decided not to take the matter farther—but everyone in the office knows.
Fair enough, this dude doesn't want to be responsible for the financial destitution of a poor individual who's clearly so torn up in life that she can't even respect one man's Chinese take-out.
But then the guilty party returned. Help, I'm too wound up by this story:
And then after the perpetrator read the email from HR she played it off. I'm screaming!
The situation is continuing, but it's unclear when it will boil to a head. Someone will eventually tell this woman that they all know. They all know she steals lunches for seemingly no reason.
How do you keep that a secret??
People are suggesting theories for why the two protagonists would behave this way:
And sharing fond memories of busting other lunch thieves:
But most people want justice to be served!
To be continued.
Update: The story still has no satisfying conclusion, but Toscani has wrapped it up as best he can:
But one person is happy with the unsatisfying conclusion. Lin-Manuel Miranda.
Which is clearly the best conclusion Toscani could ask for:
More from Distractify:
More From Distractify
Animals Humor Entertainment Entertainment