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The Petty Reasons These Couples Broke Up Will Make You Cringe

True story. About 18 months ago, I interviewed everyone who ever dumped or rejected me for a show I was putting together. The reasons I got ranged from lack of maturity, to being a bad sexual partner, to be overly interested. In other words, it was all my fault.

I mean, I get it. I'm not complaining, but I do wish at least one person was just like, "Your toes are weird." That way I would know that they were either really petty and things weren't my fault, or they were lying to me. But, no, that didn't happen. People were overly eager to tell me all the reasons I am a human disaster.

Well, if I am lucky, I will be able to track down someone from one of these examples to feed me the pettiness I desperately crave.  

Can I call you mom?
So you don't want to date an asshole.
I like you, but your face is ugly.
I think not having a job is the bigger deal here.
I broke up with a guy because he ate all of my corn dogs. I was working a 12 hour shift (he refused to get a job), and all through my shift I was just excited that I could go home and eat a corn dog. That mf and his friends ate all 24 corn dogs within the 12 hours while I was working. They had previously done this with my Digornio's and lunch meat, but this was on another level. Don't mess with my corn dogs.


Don't say a word.
Om nom nom.
She tweeted that you feel this way.
He was pre-dadding.
Can't you see that it is abusive?!
I don't date dummies.
Such a trashy thing to do...
Ew, gross. Kentucky? Ugh.
Broke up with a girl after a week because she constantly talked about being British and saying every other sentence in a British accent.
She was born in Kentucky....


Only okay if you plan on marrying her to secure peace between two kingdoms.
That's a dog.
This is very specific, but I get it
Or grammar, apparently.
Not a good tooth-to-gum ratio
Please turn this plane around.
Who wants to date a n00b?
I only watch the History Channel, duh.
You expect me to kiss that?!
I'm going to need you to carry me home...
I can see why. Sorry. Seen why.
Open your eyes, man!
Who would want to marry rich?

Ah, dating.