Knock-off products are one of the little hilarious joys in life. For every Dr. Pepper, there's a Mr. Pibb. For every North Face, there's a North Fake. And for every Microsoft Windows, there's a Michaelsoft Binbows. No, I'm not making that last one up. It's real, as you will see in a moment.
Sometimes it seems like the creators of the knock-offs really believe they are going to fool you. They want you to pick up a "Pear" laptop and not realize until you take it home that it's not an Apple. But other times — the most glorious times — it's painfully clear the people making the knock-off could not care less that you know it's a not the real thing. All they're trying to do is cash in on recognizable imagery, so they put such little effort into renaming their products it's just comical. These are those products.
Wow. Frankly, I'm shocked that we live in a world with this kind of Waldo erasure. And I'm not going to stand idly by anymore. Waldo deserves better...wherever he is.
The North Fake
Hey, if this didn't have "Fake" right there in the name, I'd never know! This looks like a pretty solid knock-off, and honestly, I think it'd be way cooler to rock a North Fake than to buy the real thing.
Sure, Nike is cool. Nike is a literal Greek god. But Mike? Mike is always there when you need him. Mike helps you move your dresser. Nike is like, "Just do it." But Mike is like, "Here, you need help? Lemme just do it."
I truly truly love this Nutella knock-off, because in what world would someone choose to buy "Nut Master" over "Nutella"? Are they trying to target fragile dudes who need to feel like even their chocolate-hazelnut spread is manly?
Ooh, ooh, I love the Star Wart franchise! Star Wars is fine, but have you ever seen a dermatologist freeze a wart off a finger? Because that is some crazy stuff right there.
When knock-off products are made even sadder, it makes me laugh uncontrollably. "Oh no" is how I feel every time I'm forced to play Uno, so this one really hit the nail on the head.
Sparkie is the Sharpie that helps spark ideas! It's all about that inspiration. Oh, but one thing you should know is that it doesn't work. There's no ink in it. Just hold it until you get an idea and then use a real Sharpie to write it down. Yeah, sorry about that. Should have been clearer on the box.
Clamber Man's torso defies biology! And his name suggests he isn't quite as nimble as his on-brand counterpart. I can't even tell you how many buildings Clamber Man has destroyed just clambering around all the time.
Funti, Gola, and Sprunti
I'm sorry, but this is the funniest thing I have ever seen. I'm a Sprunti girl myself, since I usually try to avoid caffeine, but once in a while, a good old Gola really does the trick. Funti just sounds like a foot disease.
What, you don't have a pizza hat? It's a hat that you always wear when you eat pizza. This guy clearly stole his from Carmen Sandiego. But that's OK because, man does he looks cool when he's grabbing a slice.
Honestly, Property Trader sounds just about as fun as Monopoly actually is to play, so they should have just saved us years of agonizing gameplay by calling it what it is in the first place: extremely boring.
Why does Victoria get to have all the secrets? Women with other names have secrets too, you know. Like the fact that they all conspired to kill Victoria and open this store. Oops. I shouldn't have said anything.
Strung Out Panda
Kung Fu Panda? More like Strung Out Panda. It looks like this stuffed panda has seen some awful stuff go down in that claw machine. All he wants is for someone to save him from what is clearly a traumatic situation.
Some people prefer Starbucks, but me? I'm a Starvaks girl. What's my go-to order, you ask? Obviously, I go for the Granke Caramilk Frapoochin with a dollop of whimp krame!
Winnie the Pooh is a wuss. All he does is eat honey and laugh and hang out with his friends. Vini da Pooh is a member of the Hundred Acre Mob and he will maul you with his bear hands if you so much as look at him the wrong way. Do not cross Vini da Pooh. I'm looking at you, Rabbit.
If you' thought the Sonic the Hedgehog movie trailer was terrifying, look at this thing. What is it? I can't stop looking into its beady eyes. I'm in a starting contest with this nightmare gremlin right now and I am not winning. It's becoming clear to me that I will be stuck here looking at this thing for eternity. Tell my family I'm sorry and I love them.
This is some crazy cookie inception because we all know that Kaleidos are clearly trying to rip off Oreos. But did you know that Oreos weren't the original chocolate sandwich cookie? Oreos are technically a knock-off of Hydrox. Did your mind just explode? I'm sorry. If you stare at Scared Sonic for a little while, you'll forget everything you just learned.
This is a warning for all you online daters out there: If someone claims to be a Calvin Klein model in their profile, make sure they don't actually mean Ghlain Klain. Because it is not the same thing. I repeat: Not the same thing.
I just... I have no words for this one. It's perfect. It makes me kiss my fingers like an Italian chef because I love it so much. I bow down to Michaelsoft Binbows, king of the compooters.
I know how this Baker's Harvest marketing meeting went. Shannon was like, "Tim, it's time for you to present your idea for the Wheat Thins rebrand," and Tim was like, "It is?! I mean, yeah, it is. I've been working on this because I totally knew my presentation was today. It's...um. It's, well. I call them....Thin Wheat?" And Shannon was like, "Whatever. Print it."
Dr. Pepper Imposters
It really is hard to choose a favorite from this veritable smorgasbord of Dr. Pepper imposters, but I think I'll have to go with Dr. Thunder. I don't know about you, but I don't think I would ever trust a Dr. Thunder. To do anything.
Clogard is just like Colgate, only way grosser-sounding. Also, what is "Original Flavor"? Never mind! Forget I asked. I truly do not want to know.
Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a piece of that Kat Kot bar! Yup, totally works. I'm on board with Kat Kots. What? It says they're extra crispy and extra creamy! I believe them.
Gucci's Peppa Pig Line
Honestly, in 2019 I wouldn't even be surprised if Gucci actually put out a line of ugly normcore bucket hats with Peppa Pig on them. They'd cost $1,200 each and people would buy them.
Poor girl doesn't know she's wearing a shirt that says Hopeless. And that's what makes this Hostess knock-off t-shirt so very funny. I would wear one of these today. Pair it with a Gucci Peppa Pig hat and you got yourself a streetwear look.