It's understandable that a person might not reveal their extreme wealth to the person they are dating for some time. You want to make sure the person really likes you because of who you are, not the money you have. That being said, when it's four years in and you're engaged is a little late.
Especially when your now-fiancée has been struggling to keep you afloat for years, even giving up some of her most prized possessions to afford life-saving surgery for the dog that you brought into your life. And that is the story of this shocking Relationship_Advice post.
OP explains that she just found out her fiancé is wealthy, "and I mean ridiculously so," she writes. After he proposed, he started talking about pre-nups, and she laughed because they'd always been broke. "Who said I was broke?" was his reply.
That's when it came out that he is, as he described it, "comfortable." In fact, he has millions and millions of dollars that he inherited from his grandparents. That he never told her about in the entire four years that they've been together. But that isn't even the problem for OP.
She writes, "The problem isn't that he comes from money [or] has money, it's that I am angry that I never knew and that he could've helped us pay for our dog's surgery by paying for it, but no, I had to sell the only thing of worth I had in my life in order to finance our dog's medical bills.
"I have literally been providing for us because he's an aspiring writer, and I wanted to help him with his dreams. I pay all the bills and provide for us both." She's literally been keeping them afloat for years, struggling and selling meaningful objects of value to save their dog, meanwhile, he's had this insane secret stash he's never once mentioned.
And the first time he did mention it was when they were engaged, because now he wants to protect the money from his fiancée. Dirtbag. Look, I get the impulse to keep your wealth a secret for a while in a new relationship, but once you know things are serious, and when you see your partner struggling to pay for things while you sit their twiddling your thumbs, it's time to come clean and step up and help.
Now, OP feels like he used her for the duration of their relationship. "I had to work crazy hours and work a second job occasionally to support us when he could've so easily taken care of us both or even just paid his share," she writes. Yeah. She didn't even expect him to pay for everything...just his half of the expenses. That's not too much to ask.
In the comments, OP writes that her jaw fell to the floor when he finally came clean about how much money he had. She asked him why he lied and why he let her work so hard for so long when he could have stepped in.
His reason? "Money is what tore my family apart and people never like me for me when they know I have money." I get that fear. But obviously this woman loves him for him. She's been propping him up for four years out of love for him.
He also said he decided to stop using his inheritance before they met because he wanted to do things on his own. OP stepped in to remind him that "he didn't do anything on his 'own' for over three-and-a-half years because I carried his load of the household bills."
She continues, "When I asked him why he didn't step in when I was selling my mother's violin for a dog he brought into our lives... His answer: 'Well, I didn't think you would really sell it and before I knew, you did.'" Not good enough, buddy.
Even if he didn't want to use any of his wealth, even if he was actually adamant about making it on his own, you still tell the person you're going to marry about the fact that it exists. How hard is it to look into the eyes of the person you love and trust the most in the world and say, "Hey, I have this inheritance. I am really wary of using any of it because money is what tore my family apart and I don't want that to happen to us. So I'm not going to use it unless we absolutely need to. But you should know that it exists because we are a team. Also, I will work to make sure I can contribute just as much as you do to the relationship. I just want us to live a normal life"?
If after a year or two of loving him, OP said, "Eff that! I want your money!" then you know the relationship is doomed. But mature people can handle conversations like that, and in no world should he have coasted by while his fiancée gave up everything she had to keep them afloat.
Commenters were appalled. His behavior is really immature and disrespectful, and it's clear he doesn't value OP and trust her. One commenter wrote, "The fact that he did not contribute a single cent to expenses all this time and you had to work a second job to support you both, AND he had the audacity to talk about a pre-nup? Nope. You deserve better."
Another commenter was a little more blunt: "You feel like he used you the whole time because he did use you the whole time. And will continue to do so if you are foolish enough to marry him ... Sorry, this is unforgivable."