Kids are so weird! And one of the times their weirdness comes out unabashedly is when they are put in front of Santa and have the chance to tell him everything in the world they want. Some kids want insane things like ponies and puppies, but many of their requests are just plain strange. In this Ask Reddit thread, mall Santas, mall elves, and parents share the weirdest things they've heard kids ask Santa to bring for Christmas.
Candy_Acid isn't a Santa but a Mrs. Claus, and a 4- or 5-year-old girl once told her she wanted "one of those loud horns." then, she made a gesture like she was using a canned air horn and said she wanted "to use it to wake up her baby brother when he naps in the daytime so he 'knows what it's like.'" Savage!
Simulated_Narwhal waited for two hours so their daughter could go meet Santa, and when they got up to the front, she asked him for a hot dog. Amazing. The kid knows what she wants, and it's a tube of processed meat.
DoddsWill1 was an elf who read a letter from a kid asking Santa for a dolphin that was specifically not autistic. No idea how this 6-year-old got the notion that autistic dolphins were not the preferable kind of dolphin.
Speaking of animals, masochisticminx's 3-year-old son once asked Santa for a baby rhino. When Santa, like a champ, said, "That baby rhino's mama would be very sad to lose her baby, though," the kid suggested that they take the mom too and that the rhino could sleep in his mom's bed. Seems reasonable to me.
Rather problematically, W0nderfulandstrange's sister asked for "black men" for Christmas. Everyone was in shock until they realized she mean Men in Black.
Out of anything in the world, Eye_Doc_Photog asked Santa for a real lawnmower when they were 5 years old. They wrote, "They had me hold a microphone up to my mouth. My answer ... was broadcast throughout the whole store."
I don't know how you respond to this one but supermimipvp's dad was a mall Santa, and one time a kid who was about 7 years old asked for his mom's milk for Christmas. That's a little old to still be thinking about breastfeeding, don't you think?
Mouse and snake
Most little kids, if they want a pet, will ask for a puppy or a kitten for Christmas. But not the girls DaveIsMyDrummer had on his lap. The big sisters asked for a pet mouse, and the little sister wanted a pet snake. Cool kids.
Poor AllLinesDown's parents. They once asked Santa for their parents to get a divorce. Maybe this is really dark and they noticed how terrible their parents' relationship was. Or maybe they thought they would get more presents that way.
All-in-one writing utensil
It's hard when kids ask Santa for something that doesn't even exist. Blue4t once asked Santa for "a pen that could write like a pen, pencil, marker, and crayon." That doesn't quite exist, so they got one of those four-color multi-tip pens instead. Not as fun.
A kid once asked deepsoulfunk for a piece of toast. Not all the toast in the world. Not even two pieces of toast. Just a single piece of toast.
Kids love bread! To be fair, it is fantastic. And when FrostySausage once asked Santa for bread with no crust, they got it. A whole loaf of crustless bread. So easy to please. Love it!
The_Calico_Jack's uncle was a Santa and one year, an entrepreneurial kid asked him for a coffee maker "because he wanted to start his own Starbucks coffee stand instead of a lemonade stand. Apparently business was not very good as a lemonade stand but he noticed a lot of adults drink coffee, so he'd make coffee. That kid is probably a millionaire now."
Makeup and boobs
One little girl had no problem telling LPGeoteacher, who was playing Santa, that she wanted some makeup and some boobs for Christmas. The girl wanted Santa to tell her mom because she didn't want to tell her herself.
A very practical little girl at rothmaniac's daughter's preschool asked Santa for "two rolls of tape." What a humble request. She could have asked for a million rolls of tape. But she knew she only needed two.
VictorCrowne was a Santa at a party where a little kid came up to him and "asked for a whistle that she could blow at night to wake her mom up and scare her when she was sleeping." I feel bad for that girl's mom!
Wald0Found's daughter is either really flexible or really devious about what she wants for Christmas. When Santa asked her, she said she wanted "a surprise." Does she really want to be surprised? Or is she trying to catch Santa in a lie for not knowing what she wants for Christmas?
Horse head and ice cream cone
This is an extra weird one. Kids love unicorns, right? Well, Navy-H's sister once asked Santa for a horse's head and an ice cream cone so she could "paint the ice cream cone the color of the horse, stick it on, mount the horse's head to the wall and tell her friends she killed a unicorn." Wow. Seems like she knew unicorns weren't real but still wanted to convince people she killed one. Hmmmmm.
Obviously, reindeer don't lay eggs, but this little kid didn't know that when he asked v00g for some for Christmas. He said he wanted "reindeer eggs so he could start his own franchise." Compete with Santa? I don't think so.
TheBionicleApple heard a kid at a mall ask Santa for a sex doll. "You should have seen his parents' faces," they wrote. I would have paid to see that interaction go down.
Some kids, like taydin's 9-year-old son, are really practical. He just wanted some lightbulbs for Christmas. Who doesn't want lightbulbs?! They give you light!
Peterfahy once asked Santa "for an elf to keep as a slave." I mean, Santa keeps loads of elf slaves, so if there was one person to ask for an elf slave, it was Santa.
Suckan-elf's neighbor was a Santa at a community brunch where a little girl asked for a cheeseburger. Hilarious considering they were already at a brunch where there was ostensibly food. Maybe this was the hot dog girl from the earlier post and she just really loves backyard grill dishes.
Poor yuwannano's kid really wanted Thor's hammer for Christmas and he got it! But then he threw it across the room, smashed a bunch of dishes, and was so mad when it didn't come back to him. What a way to learn that magic isn't real.
What kid actually asks for coal for Christmas? That's supposed to be what you get when you're naughty. But GoodAsBacon once asked Santa for coal because they had no idea where to get it and they wanted to make a snowman with a face.