married couple fights

Petty Arguments Married Couples Have Over and Over Again for Years


Jan. 10 2020, Updated 1:23 p.m. ET

My husband thinks we need a king-sized mattress. He'd go California King if he could. But I'm adamantly against this. This is a disagreement we've been having for years, and it's a disagreement we'll continue to have forever. A queen is more than enough room for each of us to have our own space and, once in a while, turn over to cuddle. Also, our bedroom can't accommodate a king mattress and our side tables. 

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But he would prefer a wide expanse of mattress. An endless chasm of springs and foam between us. The option not to even know that I — his wife — am there, sleeping beside him. Clearly, it's fine, and I don't have strong feelings about it. Every couple who's married and/or in a long-term relationship has petty arguments that they return to over and over because both parties refuse to budge. 

Attorney Rabia O'Chaudry recently asked the people of Twitter to share the "stupid, recurring argument" that they have with their spouse. Hundreds responded. You can feel the frustration in their text. It's all way too relatable. 

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I don't know a single couple that doesn't have a hard time deciding what to eat for dinner. Imagine if we used all the time we spend deciding on dinner to like, volunteer or something. I bet the world would get measurably better. 

Many, many of the entries on this thread had to do with household chores and errands not being completed in a correct manner...mostly by husbands. It totally sucks that we still live in a world where strong, feminist, independent women still have "partners" that they have to babysit like they're another child. 

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I feel for these women. In an ideal marriage, everything would be equal. It's hard to see if and where the scales balance sometimes. But even if you are generally happy with the balance of chores and responsibilities in your house, every person on Earth has their weird quirks at home. 

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Maybe you're obsessive about the way the toilet paper falls. Maybe you like to hit snooze several times and your partner likes to get up after one alarm. Maybe you take eggs out of the carton from the corners in to the center as opposed to from one side to other. Whatever it is, these are the little things that don't ruin a relationship but do cause years and years of subtle bickering. 

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When I moved in with my now-husband, the toilet paper thing was a sore subject for him especially. You see, I didn't really have a preference which way it hung. When I replaced the toilet paper, I wouldn't pay attention to the way it fell. Sometimes, it would end up over-the-top, other time, it would hang down behind. 

I didn't care, but my husband was adamant that it goes over-the-top. So, because I had no stake in the matter, I changed my ways. Now, every time I change the roll, I make sure it goes over the top. And that, people, is what love is all about. 

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Sometimes, like the Great Egg Dispute, the disagreements go unspoken. You just do things differently from your partner and you both feel strongly about the way you do them. So you both accept that the other is never going to change and you "correct" their way of doing it forever and / or just keep doing it your way without saying a word. Like the guy in this next example...

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Who gets salted butter? You always get unsalted because then you can more easily control the salt content when you're cooking or especially baking. Salter butter is a scam. There are a few other people who contributed to this thread that I... cannot seem to understand. 

For example, I question the judgment of the woman who wrote, "Fundamentally, it’s ideological. He believes he owns his own socks whereas I think all our socks should be communally owned and distributed according to need." Who shares socks?!?!! Maybe if you have two tiny twin babies whose feet don't smell, they can share socks. But I would rather go sockless than wear my husband's crusty, hole-filled biohazards. Also, his feet are huge compared to mine, and he would stretch out all my socks! Who does this?!

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I imagine we're all guilty of these little weirdisms and quirks. Some partners talk about them openly. Others seem to suffer in silence. Some of these little habits are pretty benign, and others are a little more bizarre.

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Oh my god, leave a reading woman alone. Perhaps the most universally understood response to the thread consisted of one very loaded word: "Thermostat." Whether you're constantly arguing over the temperature, the number of water glasses peppered around the house, or how to grocery shop for a family, these little, recurring fights, as long as they're not symptoms of larger issues, just indicate that no matter how similar you and your partner have become after years of living together, there are still things about you that are and should be completely yours. Like your socks, for example.

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