Warning! The night is dark and full of spoilers, so if you haven't watched the recent episode of Game of Thrones, read at your own risk.
Episode 2 of Game of Thrones, Season 8, hit HBO tonight, and there was a lot of...talking. And in between the talking and continuously awkward Bran stares, there were a few pivotal moments. First off, Daenerys, who tries to smooth things over with Sansa, makes it pretty clear that Winterfell will still have to bow down to her when she takes the Iron Throne. In fact, Dany doesn't have many good moments in this episode. When she's not pissing Sansa off, or yelling at Tyrion, she's really angry that Jon Snow is actually Aegon Targaryen and has more claim to the Iron Throne than she does.
While everyone is getting hammered, Arya decides to lose her virginity to Gendry and back in the castle, Jaime knights Brienne, but only after Tormund tells everyone he's super strong because he drank a giant's breastmilk. If there's a competition for best love triangle, Brienne, Tormund, and Jaime's should win.
That's about it! But these memes recap the episode best.
1. Bran's moment with Jaime was mic-drop worthy.
Right as Jaime pushes Bran out the window, back in Season 1, he tells Cersei, "The things we do for love." And that's what started the entire war.
2. Bran announced he should be Night King bait.
Bran tells everyone that the Night King wants him, specifically. It's because he's the Three-Eyed-Raven now, and he holds the world's memories. The Night King plans on killing him so that he can destroy those memories. This means that Bran will be bait, in order to lure the Night King out and make him easier to kill. We have a feeling the Night King won't fall for it, but hey. It's worth a shot?
3. Sam reminds everyone that he is the OG White Walker-killer.
Sam initially wants to fight the battle against the White Walkers (he eventually gives his sword up to Ser Jorah), and after everyone expresses doubt, he reminds them that he's killed a White Walker before! And stolen books from The Citadel!
4. Ghost has a tiny bit of air time, and the crowd goes wild.
But really, where has Ghost been this entire time?
5. Dany and Sansa *almost* hash it out.
...Until Daenerys basically tells Sansa that Winterfell will have to live under Targaryen rule. (Dany doesn't actually say anything, but she immediately lets go of Sansa's hand.) These two most likely won't be getting along anytime soon.
6. We all knew Sansa and Dany's friendship wouldn't last longer than two minutes.
Hopefully one of them will come around.
7. At first, Arya flirts with Gendry and it's really cute!
Gendry is making a weapon for Arya, and she uses that as an excuse to go see him. Adorbs!
8. Two seconds later, Arya and Gendry have sex!
One second she's flirting with Gendry, and the next she's telling him to take his pants off. It did feel pretty rushed, but then again, everyone thinks it's the end of the world. So, why not?
9. A hopeful wish actually came true, but probably not in the way Robert and Ned had intended.
Better than Sansa and Joffrey, IMHO.
10. Tyrion was peak Tyrion this episode.
After drinking wine and pouring some for everyone else (LOL at that generous pour for Podrick), Tyrion is back to his hilarious self, and serving the greatest dark humor. Who knows, maybe he's right and everyone will live.
11. The moment Jon tells Dany about his identity is so cringe-worthy.
Dany is NOT cool with the fact that Jon is actually the heir to the Iron Throne. They didn't even get to talk about the fact that they're having an incestuous relationship, or that maybe Jon doesn't want the Iron Throne.
12. Like, so, so cringe-worthy.
Did we mention that Dany is REALLY angry about all of this? She even questions the legitimacy of Jon's sources (Sam and Bran), as though anyone would make this stuff up.
13. What *will* Dany do now that she knows Jon is actually next in line for the throne?
She probably wouldn't kill Bran for this, but it's probably tempting.
14. Meanwhile, Tormund's crush on Brienne is still the best thing about the show.
Tormund is still in love with Brienne, and isn't afraid to show it.
15. Jaime might also be in love with Brienne, and that complicates things.
Either Jaime is in love with Brienne, or just really, really wants to be friends. Either way, it would be a way healthier relationship than his current one, so we're all for this. Who's not for this? Tormund, who may or may not already be threatened by the King Slayer.
16. Was that tale about the giant Tormund's way of saying "back off"?
Tormund tells everyone, including Brienne and Jaime, that the reason why he's so big and strong is because when he was a child, he drank a giant's breastmilk. And then he proceeded to gulp down a huge horn's worth of some kind of milky (we're guessing very, very fermented) liquid.
17. Tormund was SO proud of Brienne for becoming a knight.
Even though Jaime knighted her, Tormund was still very supportive.
18. This is how all of us feel about the next episode of 'Game of Thrones.'
Honestly, will all of this drama even matter after the White Walkers take out 80 percent of the characters we know and love? Stay tuned until next Sunday.
19. We know not everyone will die (we still have four more episodes left). But we know there's going to be bloodshed.
Just don't kill Brienne, please.
20. Us right now.
We're okay now, only because nobody died this episode. But the third episode is going to be a whole other story.
21. Maybe the women and children *shouldn't* hang out in the crypts.
Ya know, since the Night King can resurrect the dead with the flick of his wrist. We CANNOT handle a dead Lyanna or Ned Stark killing the people of Winterfell.
22. Also, just a reminder. Next Sunday is going to be *brutal* in terms of our favorite fictional characters.
The Avengers: Endgame is premiering next week, so that means not only will we watch the death of some of our favorite Game of Thrones characters, but we'll probably have to say goodbye to a few of our Marvel faves as well.