I think we can all agree that being pregnant isn't exactly easy. You are literally growing a human being inside of you, your body is constantly changing, and your hormones get all out of whack. People joke about the crazy food cravings people get while they're pregnant, but those are just one small example of how your biology completely takes over and turns you into an obsessive, psychological mess.
So when someone brings up a story about a pregnant person acting "crazy," I am inclined to side with the pregnant person.
But it turns out not everyone feels the same way, especially when the pregnant person does something that could be seen as truly abusive. In a recent Reddit post in the subreddit r/AmItheAsshole, a man wondered if he would be out of line to ask his pregnant wife to move out of their house after she decided to test his loyalty.
And folks, let me tell you the internet had a lot of thoughts about this issue. It seems like equal numbers of people came down on both sides, some claiming that he should not abandon his clearly distraught pregnant wife, and others trying to defend and protect him from what they perceived to be emotional abuse.
In his post, he explained that his wife has been "acting like a nut job" during her pregnancy. She insults him when she doesn't like the food he makes, but she still eats it all and leaves him none. She is increasingly insecure and started accusing him of not being attracted to her anymore.
But then, this was the kicker:
So, yesterday, a random girl starts at flirting with me after the gym and asked me if I wanted to meet up with her for some drinks. I rejected her and told her that I was married. And when I got home, my wife started to hug me and apologise. When I asked her what happened, she told me that her best friend suggested a test for my loyalty. So they asked a mutual friend to flirt with me and asked me out. And I passed.
He's really angry about this weird set-up — he has a right to be — and says he's "done with her antics." He then appealed to reddit to see if it would be appropriate to ask her to move out.
People from both sides immediately came out shouting. Sweetsoursauceee wrote, "Pregnancy does crazy things to a woman's hormones, it could be that her actions are not the result of being a terribly person, but a hormonal imbalance."
RidleyAteKirby countered, "This whole 'you can't ask your pregnant wife to move out!' posturing is BS. Being pregnant doesn't give you license to abuse and gaslight people. Asking her to leave I think should be the bare minimum here."
Luckily, there seemed to be some reasonable people who saw how disturbing the wife's actions were but didn't necessarily think kicking her out was the answer. Lizlizlizzyliz wrote, "Yikes. Might I suggest some couples therapy first? What she did was clearly an A move, though I don't think you'd be in the right to have her move out while pregnant."
Personally, I don't think making her leave while pregnant would address the problem at all. It seems to me like they haven't really sat down and talked about her behavior. Some of it — the insecurity, the emotional eating — seems like it's sort unfortunately par for the course while you're pregnant.
But there has to be some give on both sides; he has to understand that her entire life and being have been turned upside-down and that she's at the whim of some really strong hormones, and she has to acknowledge her behavior and try to become more cognizant of when she isn't quite herself.
But to be quite honest, hiring someone to hit on your husband as a "test" of his loyalty is bad. It's really bad. Yes, it could speak to the level of insecurity and depression she's dealing with, but she's also going to have to realize that her actions were totally unacceptable and apologize.
Reddit user myothercarisapickle chimed in with this wise response: "It doesn't give you a blank cheque to be nasty but pregnancy drastically changes you physically and mentally and that isn't a choice the mother makes. She may need professional help to manage her symptoms, and that's where the focus should be. Counseling for both and also medical care and psychological care for her."
I agree. Likely, what she did was a cry for help. An extremely disturbing and unacceptable one, but a cry for help nonetheless. I hope this couple gets the help they need.