Rarely have we seen such a blatantly racist person on Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" but I suppose there is a first for everything. Usually, people (mostly dudes, to be honest) are better at hiding their racism, but OP here just kind of... says it. It's unclear if he knows he's being super racist, but the commenters definitely let him know.
He explains that he is a white guy (obviously) who is dating a Chinese woman. But then right away, he hits us with, "We get along just fine and the only problem is that we disagree on her culture." How can you "disagree" on someone's culture? If you don't like someone's entire culture, that's racist.
He attempts to explain. "I'm just not that much into Asian culture personally," he writes. "I don't like it when she cooks her native food, listens to her Chinese music, or speaks in Mandarin. I don't want to completely disconnect her from her roots but I just don't like Chinese culture, I'm sorry. If she wants to 'be Chinese' I tell her to go to her friend's house."
Um, what? He just says it. He thinks it's OK to say things like, "I just don't like Chinese culture." He thinks it's OK to simply disapprove when she cooks "her native food." He has written off an entire culture because he "doesn't like" it. And something tells me that he doesn't believe this is racist at all.
I'm almost positive he thinks this is just a matter of "personal preference."
He is dating this person. And not only does he not want to make an effort to get to know things about her heritage and her culture, but he has rejected all of it outright and wants her to stop being herself.
Obviously, he writes, "This has made her pretty upset with me." Uh. Duh. She has told him that he's trying to "Americanize" her, which he flat-out denies even though he literally just said he wants her to stop doing anything that relates to her Chinese culture. There is a complete cognitive disconnect with this dude.
"Your culture is just not for me," he writes. What does that even mean?! He says he has "no problem with who she is" but that he doesn't want "to be part of it." You cannot have that in a relationship.
Then comes the kicker. He writes, "I'm American, and I want my life to be American. Not Chinese. She moved here so she should be the one adapting to me, not the other way around." There it is. He may claim that he doesn't have a problem with who she is, but he really, really does.
Because he doesn't understand just how awful he sounds, he continues complaining. He says she gets upset whenever he wants to do something American, like "go out for a burger." She offers to stay home and cook a healthy meal for him instead, but he doesn't want that.
Then, he said it got particularly bad when she was on a video call with her parents, who don't speak English. She had the slightest of requests — that he come say hello to them in Mandarin — and he wouldn't do it. "I refused and simply closed the door so I didn't have to hear them talk in Mandarin," he wrote. Wow.
She got upset and left to go to her friend's house. I honestly can't believe she put up with him for as long as she did.
Commenters were just as confused as I am. "INFO: Why are you dating a Chinese woman if you're racist? It's a really weird choice," one person wrote.
"You can't 'disagree' on someone's culture," another wrote. "If you're a racist just don't date someone of a different race."
"YTA big time. You 'get along just fine"' except for when she talks, cooks, or listens to music?" another pointed out.
OP responded to several comments reiterating the nonsense that he likes her, he just doesn't like anything about her. I really wish he could hear the words that are coming out of his mouth. I don't think there's a way to explain it to him so that he'll understand just how racist and cruel he's being. Here's hoping she never came back to him.