34 Seriously Funny Adult Christmas Jokes If You're Feeling Naughty

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Dec. 21 2023, Updated 8:43 p.m. ET

Close up of a father christmas embracing a young woman
Source: getty images

It's never too early to spread some Christmas cheer. And even if you're not a huge fan of the holidays, here is something that'll make this year's season a little lighter.

Whether you can't wait to share Christmas humor with your friends or are drunk from Christmas dinner and want some dirty holiday jokes or Santa jokes for adults to pass around the table, we've got you covered with these 29 jokes that are pretty much PG-13.

Keep scrolling!

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Santa jokes for adults:

1. What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.

2. Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

3. Why is Christmas just like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets the credit.

smiling santa claus
Source: getty images
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4. What do you call a broke Santa? Saint Nickel-less

5. Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.

6. What do you call Santa if he also lives in the South Pole? Bi-Polar.

7. What did Santa sing when he went down the chimney? Chest [and] nuts roasting on an open fire..."

8. Why doesn't Santa have any kids of his own? Because he only comes once a year, and it's down a chimney.

9. What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish.

10. Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.

11. What do you call Santa's helpers? Subordinate clauses.

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12. What's the difference between Santa and a knight? One slays the dragon, the other drags the sleigh.

13. What does Santa say to his wife when the weather is bad? It's going to reindeer.

14. What goes "oh oh oh"? Santa walking backwards.

15. Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present is beneath them.

16. Why did the snowman want a divorce? Because his wife was a total flake.

17. What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.

Mrs. clause lying in bed with Santa holding lingerie
Source: getty images
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18. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

19. Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store? He desperately needed some holiday spirit.

Dirty Christmas jokes:

20. What do priests and Christmas trees have in common? Their balls are ornamental.

21. Wanna see the North Pole? ... At least that's what Mrs. Claus calls it.

22. How do snowmen make babies? Snowballs, of course.

23. What do the female reindeer do when the guys are out working? They go into town and blow a few bucks.

24. What does Mrs. Claus get when she wears tight pants? A mistletoe.

25. What's Santa's safe sex tip? Wrap your package before shoving it down the chimney.

26. Why does Santa land on the roop? Because he likes it on top.

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Father Christmas relaxing on sofa, holding remote control
Source: getty images

27. If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, do you mind if I visit between the holidays?

28. What do a train set and boobs have in common? They were both made for kids but dads can't help playing with them.

29. Why does Santa always have a full sack? Because he only comes once a year.

30. Why does Santa always come through the chimney? Because he knows better than to come through the back door.

31. A wife walked in on her husband putting on a condom. “What are you doing?” she asked. He replied, “Wrapping your Christmas present!”

32. Why do elves laugh when they run? Because the snow tickles their balls.

33. How can you tell if Santa had sex with his wife? There are Claus marks on his back.

34. Why did Mrs. Claus get mad at Santa? He asked her to trim her tree.

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