What is it with March stealing all of the good holidays? First there's National Pancake Day, Mardi Gras, Nap Day, International Women's Day and even Pi Day. Now St. Patrick's Day is right around the corner.
Well, we hope you have something green you're ready to show off this St. Patty's Day. To make sure you're ultra prepared for Sunday, we wanted to give you a bunch of jokes to tell your friends and family while you march along your parade or indulge in another Shamrock Shake.
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
1. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Because real rocks are too heavy.
2. What happens if you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?
You get a rash of good luck!
3. What kind of bow can't be tied?
4. Where can you always find gold on St. Patty's Day?
In the dictionary.
5. Who was St. Patrick's favorite superhero?
6. Why should you never iron a four-leaf clover?
You don't want to press your luck.
7. How did the Irish Jig get started?
Too much water to drink and not enough restrooms.
8. What do they call the Irish jig at McDonalds?
A Shamrock Shake
9. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day?
10. What's long and green and has a low IQ?
A St. Patrick's Day parade.
11. What kinds of spells do leprechaun witches cast?
12. Why are so many leprechauns gardeners?
Because they have green thumbs.
13. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Because they're always a little short.
14. What do leprechauns love to barbecue?
15. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
Because they're very short-tempered.
16. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal?
A leper con.
17. Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
18. When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato?
When it's a French fry.
19. Why is Ireland the fastest growing country in Europe?
Because it's always Dublin.
20. "I married an Irishman on St. Patrick's Day."
21. Are people jealous of the Irish?
Sure, they're green with envy.
22. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?
One less drunk at the party.
23. How does every Irish joke start?
By looking over your shoulder.
24. Why wasn't Jesus born in Ireland?
He couldn't find three wise men or a virgin.
25. What's Irish and stays out all night?
26. Why are the Irish so concerned about global warming?
They're really into green living.
27. Knock Knock
Irish you a happy St. Patrick's Day!
Have fun today and drink responsibly!