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The Petty Reasons These Couples Broke Up Will Make You Cringe

By Zachary Brenner

True story. About 18 months ago, I interviewed everyone who ever dumped or rejected me for a show I was putting together. The reasons I got ranged from lack of maturity, to being a bad sexual partner, to be overly interested. In other words, it was all my fault.

I mean, I get it. I'm not complaining, but I do wish at least one person was just like, "Your toes are weird." That way I would know that they were either really petty and things weren't my fault, or they were lying to me. But, no, that didn't happen. People were overly eager to tell me all the reasons I am a human disaster.

Well, if I am lucky, I will be able to track down someone from one of these examples to feed me the pettiness I desperately crave.  

Can I call you mom?