True story. About 18 months ago, I interviewed everyone who ever dumped or rejected me for a show I was putting together. The reasons I got ranged from lack of maturity, to being a bad sexual partner, to be overly interested. In other words, it was all my fault.
I mean, I get it. I'm not complaining, but I do wish at least one person was just like, "Your toes are weird." That way I would know that they were either really petty and things weren't my fault, or they were lying to me. But, no, that didn't happen. People were overly eager to tell me all the reasons I am a human disaster.
Well, if I am lucky, I will be able to track down someone from one of these examples to feed me the pettiness I desperately crave.
I broke up with a guy because he ate all of my corn dogs. I was working a 12 hour shift (he refused to get a job), and all through my shift I was just excited that I could go home and eat a corn dog. That mf and his friends ate all 24 corn dogs within the 12 hours while I was working. They had previously done this with my Digornio's and lunch meat, but this was on another level. Don't mess with my corn dogs.
Broke up with a girl after a week because she constantly talked about being British and saying every other sentence in a British accent.
She was born in Kentucky....
When I moved across the country a couple of months ago, I was trying to find a short-term place to stay while I looked around for an apartment to make my home. I've gone through my share of shady sublets, and was so worried I wouldn't land a spot that I started looking for one to book months in advance. On my first day of browsing, I came across a gorgeous and affordable one-bedroom in a really convenient location, but was super skeptical of the post because of how traumatized I am from my previous experiences.
I've dealt with creeps who ask for a cash deposit then claim they're in the hospital on the exact same day they're supposed to meet me for the keys. I've had people cancel my reservation once I've already landed in their city... Needless to say, I'm a seasoned subletter. When I found this lovely one-bedroom on Craigslist, I was sure the listing was too good to be true. So I took a proactively defensive stance when I reached out via email. I asked for boring specifications on the apartment and went over payment details with exhaustive thoroughness. I even asked if a friend could stop by to make sure there were no secret squatter tenants, or anything sketchy like that. Then, I got an email back.
TWIST: I recognized the address from the gushing fan mail I had sent it years ago. The apartment belonged to my favorite living writer and here I was, casually emailing with her directly. Flash forward a few months and we're friendly and occasionally email each other or meet for coffee to catch up. And that's how my nightmare sublet search turned into a friendship with one of the best and most famous writers of our time.
I live for real-life plot twists like this. They keep us on our toes while we cruise through this journey of life. Which is why when u/whytho37 asked Reddit to share their most insane plot twists, the results were incredible.
Scroll down for twists so good, you wouldn't believe they actually happened if you saw them in a film.
We’ve all been there. You swipe right on Tinder, decide on a place to meet, and realize about five minutes in that leaving your house in the first place was a huge error. Maybe you feel like you’ve been catfished because they look nothing like their photos (surprise!), or perhaps you quickly realize they weren’t being sarcastic in their profile when they said their favorite band was The Beatles.
Whatever the case may be, there’s no flying spark to indicate this is the person of your dreams. And maybe you’re the mature kind of individual who can finish their drink, bring up the fact that you don’t see a future together, split the bill, and head your own separate ways. Bravo!
But what if you’re not? u/PM_Me_YourTinyBoobs kindly addressed this very question on Reddit when he asked what a person could say to instantly derail a date. The answers ranged from painfully incestuous to downright hilarious.
Next time you just need to shut it down really quickly and abruptly, these are some perfect lines you can use.