Folks. Nothing in the entire world makes sense anymore. We're sheltering in place because of a global pandemic. And during that time, we have all become obsessed with Tiger King, a Netflix docuseries ostensibly about the people who own big cat zoos in the south but is really about so much more than that.
Sure, we're all enthralled by Joe Exotic and his many husbands, concerned about Doc Antle and his straight-up tiger cult of young women, and obsessed with whether Carole Baskin killed her husband and fed him to her tigers. But the latest development in the Tiger King universe is perhaps the most shocking of all.
Yes. That there is Doc Antle of Tiger King fame with Britney Spears at the 2001 VMAs. You probably remember that performance. She was in a cage with a tiger, then she had that snake wrapped around her shoulders. Well, the tiger belonged to Doc Antle.
People flipped out when they found this out. Britney Spears! Our Britney Spears! Worked with the ponytailed cult leader who may or may not mistreat his many big cats and almost definitely mistreats the women he lures to his zoo.
I understand if you have to sit down right now. It's a lot to handle. Our perception of the Britney Spears performance that I and you and everyone you know think about on a regular basis because of how iconic it was, is forever changed now.
But the Tiger King / Britney Spears connection gets even spookier when you look at this next photo, taken the very next year at the 2002 VMAs.
That woman on the right sure does look like Carole Baskin, owner of Big Cat Rescue and an impressively kooky, perhaps murderous personality from Tiger King. Although it turned out not to be Carole Baskin after all, you can imagine why someone would assume that it was.
Britney Spears performed with Doc Antle and one of his tigers. At that point, it wouldn't be out of the question for her and Carole Baskin to be rubbing shoulders. In fact, there's little about Britney Spears that could surprise us anymore.
Remember back in the olden times, seven days ago, when Britney Spears posted about feeding each other, re-distributing wealth, going on strike, and how "communion moves beyond walls"? Sure you do. How could you forget?
Her caption included three red rose emojis, the chosen symbol of socialism. Is Britney Spears a socialist comrade? Did she know anything about Doc Antle when she danced with his tiger in 2001? Is she... OK?
These are the questions we have been forced to ask ourselves during this fraught time. On top of everything else, we have to deal with life-altering Britney news on a weekly basis. I'm not sure how much more of this we can handle.
In good Britney news, she took to Instagram to help out fans who are struggling during this time to pay bills or get enough food or whatever it may be.
"So our world is going through such hard times right now, and my sister just nominated me to help people, whether it's with food or getting your child diapers or whatever it is. DM me, and I will help you out," Britney says in her video.
So listen, we're being bombarded right now with so much shocking Britney news that none of it feels real. But all of it is (besides the Carole Baskin thing). The sooner we accept that this entire world has become illogical and unpredictable, the sooner we'll be able to handle it when the next wave of Britney news hits us. Good luck and godspeed.