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31 Funny Halloween Jokes That Will Never Get Old

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Oct. 23 2018, Updated 5:18 p.m. ET

Because Halloween is undoubtedly our favorite holiday of the year — what with the laughable costumes, scary stories and, obviously, all of the pumpkin carving activities — we decided to have some fun with it.

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If Halloween's spooks aren't exactly for you, combat your fears with humor. Here are 31 hilariously seasonal jokes that you, your family and your friends will definitely enjoy on Halloween this year.

1. Q: How do you fix a broken pumpkin?
A: A pumpkin patch.

2. Q: What do you get if you cross an exam with blood?
A: A blood test.

3. Why don't skeletons hang out in graveyards?
A: They don't have the guts.

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4. Q: Why couldn't the ghost see its mom and dad?
A: Because they were trans-parents!

5. Q: What room of the house does the skeleton stay out of?
A: The living room.

6. Q: What is a ghost's favorite food?
A: Ghoulash.

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7. Q: Why did Dracula become a vegetarian?
A: He heard stake was bad for his heart.

8. Q: Why are graveyards so noisy?
A: Because of all the coffin.

9. Q: Why are there fences around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in.

10. Q: What did the boy say when he saw the cemetery covered in snow?
A: "Icy dead people."

11. Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.

12. When I told my wife to use a vacuum instead of a broom, the witch flew off the handle.

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13. Q: Why are demons and ghouls always together?
A: Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.

14. Q: Why don't skeletons ever go trick-or-treating?
A: They don't have any body to go with.

15. Q: What does the ghost of a programmer say?
A: BOOlean.

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16. I saw a skull crying from loneliness. He just wanted some body in his life.

17. Q: Why did the vampire go to the doctor?
A: Because he was coffin.

18. Q: What do you call a lycanthrope with no sense of direction?
A: A were-am-I-wolf.

19. Q: What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: Neck-tarines.

20. Q: What's a phantom's favorite park ride?
A: The roller ghoster.

21. Q: Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
A: Because everyone was a-goblin.

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22. Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- Boo.
- Boo, who?
- Stop crying, I'm only a ghost!

23. Q: What happens when you goose a ghost?
A: You get a hand full of sheet.

24. I went to a Halloween party dressed as a harp. The host asked me, "What are you?"
Me: Oh, I'm dressed as a harp.
Host: Your costume is too short to be a harp.
Me: Are you calling me a lyre?

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25. Q: What do you call an orange, gourd-like vegetable that is funny?
A: A PUN-kin.

26. A kid asks his greedy father for money to buy a police costume for Halloween. His father told him to just go undercover.

27. Q: Who calls the shots at the Halloween party?
A: The gHost.

28. Q: Why didn't the mummy have any friends?
A: He was too wrapped up in himself.

29. Q: What did the corpse's mom do when she got mad at him?
A: Grounded him.

30. Q: What happened to the cannibal who was late to dinner?
A: They gave him the cold shoulder.

31. Q: Who does a mummy take on a date? A: Any old girl he can dig up.


Enjoy the laughs this Halloween. If you have a favorite Halloween joke, share it with us!

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