Kate McKinnon's 'What Still Works' cold open on 'SNL' was hilariously spot on.
“Hello, and welcome to ‘What Still Works,’ where we look at every part of American society and wonder what still works,” Kate said, hosting a mock current affairs show. “It’s a new year, and we have a new president, so some things should work. But do they?”
Government? Doesn’t work.
“Our first topic is government, and already, I have my doubts,” Kate said. “Joining us is a congresswoman from Georgia who’s been promoting QAnon conspiracy theories. Please welcome Marjorie Taylor Greene.”
Congresswoman Greene, played by SNL’s Cecily Strong, sits down with Kate and immediately offers her a gun. Kate declines and asks the congresswoman to list some of her beliefs.
“Well, first off, I believe the Parkland shooting was a hoax, the teachers were actors, and the children were dolls,” Cecily’s version of the politician says. “I believe 9/11 was a hoax. Did anyone actually see it happen? I’ve also told my supporters that they should physically murder Nancy Pelosi. She’s this lady I work with. … Oh, and this is a new one that just came out. I believe that the California wildfires were caused by Jewish space lasers.”
A flummoxed Kate responds, “And when your colleagues found out about all these hateful and psychotic things you said, what did they do?”
“I was promoted to the education committee,” Cecily’s congresswoman says. (True story.)
The stock market? Doesn’t work.
Next topic: the stock market. And Kate’s guest: Derrick Evans, the (fictional) majority shareholder in GameStop, played by Pete Davidson.
“First of all, it’s pronounced the ‘stonk’ market,” Derrick says, referencing the Reddit posts and memes that sent GameStop stock on a wild ride recently. “And, uh, yeah, Hell yeah, it works. See I told you, I put all my money in GameStop, and I can’t lose.”
But after Kate points out that GameStop went from $17 a share to $413 a share even though physical video game sales are “a dying business,” Derrick admits that it seems the “entire system is a joke.”
Social media? Doesn’t work.
Then Kate shines the spotlight on social media and invites Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey and Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg to the stage. The two tech moguls were played by SNL costars Mikey Day and Alex Moffat.
Kate asks the duo about “suspend[ing] the accounts of many prominent conservatives who were spreading lies and inciting violence.”
Mikey’s Jack admits that ban didn’t pan out well, saying, “It seems to have forced those people onto darker, scarier apps where their delusions and bloodlust can run wild.”
Alex’s Mark, however, claims Facebook still works: “Not only does it help form communities online, it helps people meet and connect in real life. For example, at the Capitol!”
The vaccine rollout? Doesn’t work.
To get a read on the COVID-19 vaccine rollout, Kate interviews a recent vaccine recipient: disgraced former football star O.J. Simpson, played by SNL’s Kenan Thompson. “I don’t get out much, so this is fun,” he says, a monitoring device attached to his ankle.
“So, O.J., you got the vaccine?” Kate says. “Teachers can’t get vaccines, but you did? … People with long-term lung conditions can’t get the vaccine, but you did? … So, among the first 3 percent of all Americans given the vaccine was O.J. Simpson?”
As O.J., Kenan responds, “Hey, guilty as charged — about the vaccine!”
Tom Brady? Works!
Finally, Kate realizes that quarterback Tom Brady, who’s now going to his 10th Super Bowl in his first NFL season with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, is the only thing in America that works. “You went to historically one of the worst franchises in football, and in your first year, you took them all the way to the championship,” she observes.
Tom, played by guest host John Krasinksi, tries saying it was a team effort, but Kate doesn’t buy it. “Don’t even try it,” she says. “No one believes there’s anyone else on the team.”
John’s version of the athlete observes that no one’s rooting for him, but Kate says she will. “Because you’re the only g-ddamn thing this country can still rely on. And it’s not like you’re a weird Trump guy, right?”
And instead of answering, Tom — who is friends with the former president— flees the stage.
“Thank you for watching ‘What Still Works,’” Kate says at the end of the sketch. “I’ve been Kate McKinnon, as myself, slowly losing my mind along with all of you. Stay strong. Or weak. Weak is a great option, too.”