This one is a doozy, folks. As we all know, gender is a construct. This means, by extension, that "girls' nights" are too. One woman recently took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong for wanting to kick her transgender friend out of future "girls' nights out" because he came out as a man.
Let's just say the internet gave her a little lesson in transphobia. The woman, who goes by cutitdown44 on Reddit, posted on Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" and asked if she was wrong for excluding one of her "girlfriends from girls' night out after he came out as transgender."
She begins to explain, and at first, you think maybe there's more to the story. She doesn't seem transphobic off the bat because she writes, "It's not my intent to misgender but this is new to me so excuse me. One of my friends recently came out as trans and said she always felt like a guy trapped inside a woman's body."
Her friend has started transitioning and wearing men's clothes and has switched his pronouns. "I have no problem with him being transgender," she wrote, "however my other girlfriends and I don't feel comfortable including him in our nights out once he's done transitioning."
This sounds bad enough, but then she continued: "We don't feel it's appropriate anymore because it's, well, girls' night out." I had to pause to take a deep breath just then. This is their friend. Their friend who is going through something monumental and difficult. Their friend is still the same person even though he's transgender.
There is a voice of reason in her circle. Her boyfriend says he believes it's transphobic to exclude him from their girls' nights. Thank goodness for this guy. But, this woman wrote, "we don't feel comfortable with him anymore and I think our feelings overtake his."
"Plus in my defense," she continued, "if excluding him is transphobic then girls' nights out are sexist because they exclude men." I cannot even. The mental gymnastics she's pulling off to justify her own transphobia is honestly impressive. Like, Olympic-level.
But she's not done yet. Here comes the kicker, the sentence that will make you go, "Ah, I see what's happening:" "I don't think we're doing anything wrong because my safety overtakes his feelings."
And there it is. The performative feminism creeps out at last. This person is her friend. Just the fact he's a man doesn't mean he is suddenly a different person than he used to be. Just because he's a man doesn't mean he should be feared. That is beyond. I want to ask her why she feels unsafe around him now. There's no possible explanation except for transphobia.
Luckily, commenters were quick to point this out and explain why she is so very wrong for having this opinion. "What do you think he's going to do exactly? Why would you fear for your safety around him?" one person wrote.
Still, several people claimed that the original poster is not transphobic for uninviting him to "girls' nights out." Like I said before, if gender is a construct, so is "girls' night." If they were really his friend, they would absolutely keep girls' night open to him if he wanted. Why does it seem worth it to them to lose a friendship over whether or not it "appears" that they're having a girls' night?
Clearly, this group of girls are not devoted friends. Whether or not this guy ends up sticking it out with them and attending girls' nights, I hope he finds people who truly accept him for who he is.
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