Call me crazy, but when I'm invited to my friend's wedding, yes, I'm mostly in it for the free drinks and the dancing, but I also want to see my friend get married, shed a bunch of happy tears, and spend a whole day immersed in their love for their partner. So when I'm invited to wedding, I expect to be invited to the ceremony too, barring some very strict religious restrictions.
The groom who recently posted to Reddit's "Am I the A-hole?" though, didn't realize that his friends might actually want to see him and his partner get married, even if they weren't as religious as he is. Needless to say, he got a very important lesson in what it is to be a considerate human being.
The groom explained that he's getting married in a few months. "We have a few atheist friends who have a general dislike for religion," he wrote, "so I thought it would be for the best to only invite them to the party. My future wife and both of our families are Roman Catholic.
"Catholic ceremonies are long. I'm talking one hour of pure mass and additional half an hour of the actual 'getting married' part. If you are not a believer, it is boring af. Hell, I'm Catholic and I know I'll be bored for 80 percent of it. I thought I'll spare them the trouble."
I think you can probably see where this is going. It's coming from a good place, but leaving your close friends off the guest list for your wedding ceremony is not a good look. Here's how everything went down: one of his friends said he'd forgotten to put the time and the church where the ceremony would be on the invitation.
When he said that she didn't have to come to the religious part and should just come to the party, "she got confused." He explained further (the whole atheist/long Catholic ceremony thing), and his friend got, understandably, upset. He wrote, "She said she isn't heartless and would sit through the 2/3 to see me get married in the 1/3. I tried to explain again and fix things but I felt guilty the whole time." So he took to Reddit to see if he was in the wrong.
And the responses were nearly unanimous. Yes, he was wrong. Yes, he's the a-hole. "You made a huge assumption that your friends would put their dislike of religious services ahead of their wish to see you married. Sounds like you don't think much of them," one commenter wrote.
And I happen to agree. The fact that he assumed they wouldn't want to come makes me question what he would do if he was in a similar situation. If his friend was having a non-religious wedding ceremony, would he skip it because he's religious? When the tables are turned, the prospect seems just as absurd.
A true friend would sit through any sort of service to see their friend married if it meant enough to them. The fact that he preemptively decided for them that they wouldn't want to watch him get married is bizarre, frankly.
One commenter had a different view on the subject and a great, compromising solution: "Personally I'd be stoked if my friend did this for me. But I think the proper way to go about it would be to give everyone the same invitation. Then the ones you think wouldn't want to endure the ceremony personally tell one by one. 'Yo you don't have to come to the ceremony if you don't want. Won't be offended at all."
While this is a nice option, I don't think anyone would be like, "Phew, yeah, really didn't want to sit through an hour of services to see you get married!" Not to mention, if I was the one getting married, I would want my friends there! Isn't that part of the point of having a wedding? To celebrate with the people you love most?
Most people understood that this guy wasn't maliciously trying to keep his friends from his wedding ceremony. He was trying to do them a favor. But it's OK to expect your friends to do something they normally wouldn't do for your wedding. In fact, every wedding guest you invite will go out of their way in varied manners to be there for you on your big day. Thank them with booze and food and dancing, and have a great time.