Emergency room doctors have, undoubtedly, the most interesting job on the planet. They see the aftermath of all kinds of freak accidents, from situations involving "foreign objects" lodged in rectums to broken ribs from sneezing to mishaps involving wedding rings permanently stuck on penises.
One woman from Oregon gave emergency room doctors a particularly interesting case earlier this month, and, thankfully, uploaded photo evidence of her visit to Facebook.
Ashley Glawe from Portland, Oregon, found herself in an unusual situation — all thanks to her ear gauges and a particularly adventurous pet.
"CURRENT SITUATION," she explained, "I was holding my #SNAKE and his #DUMB ASS saw a hole, which just so happened to be my fuckin #EARLOBE, and thought that it would be a bright idea to #ATTEMPT to make it through."
...We're quite confident every one of these hashtags will be trending on Facebook in the near future.
"It all happened SO fast that before I even knew what was going on it was already too late," she continued. "Now, #BelieveItOrNot I'm sitting here in the#EmergencyRoom with #BART #STUCK in my fucking #EAR #JustMyFuckinLuck #OhShit#SnakeStuckInEar #SnakeStuckInEarlobe#GaugedEars #SnakesLikeGaugedEars."
UGH, #BART, what the hell? Don't you just hate it when your pets get stuck in the gauge in your ear? And then you have to make a special trip to the emergency room for reptile removal?
Now, we have some questions. What, exactly, is the standard procedure for removing snakes from ear gauges? Is this something that all residents learn during their first-year rotations?
While it's unclear how the snake was actually removed from Glawe's ear, things worked out in the end because she got a badass new profile picture.
Thankfully, this moment can be immortalized on the Internet forever... And perhaps it can serve as some kind of inspiration for a new line of jewelry.