On Dec. 27, 2021, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention shortened its recommended isolation and quarantine period for the general population. Previously, it recommended that people with COVID-19 go into quarantine for 10 days. Now the prestigious health agency has cut that recommendation in half to five days — allowing COVID-positive people right back into society without even suggesting they get tested.
This news comes at a particularly interesting time as Omicron cases surge in the United States. In fact, the U.S. broke its single-day record for the highest number of new COVID cases in one day, per Politico. So naturally, these loosened guidelines have caused some concern amongst Americans. Particularly, the Twitterverse.
Upon learning about the CDC's latest recommendations, users started tweeting out a whole bunch of terrible ideas and attaching the CDC's name to it. Why? Because humor is a coping mechanism. Also, Twitter loves to have field days.
The tweet format "The CDC says_________" was quickly adopted.
We rounded up the funniest fake advice from the CDC (wink wink) as told by Twitter users. Don't listen to these. But also, keep scrolling for some insightful life tips that definitely won't help end this pandemic, but they may make your five- to 10-day quarantine go by much quicker.
Note: Twitter is not the CDC!
Evaluate the vibes.
This is a good one! But if you have a fever and are struggling to breathe, the vibes are probably on and you should stay at home.
Bring a Tootsie Pop into quarantine to keep track of the days.
Move over, at-home rapid tests! Licking a Tootsie Pop is a much sweeter way to determine whether or not you should leave quarantine.
Make sure to always start the day off right.
One hand for coffee, the other for the ibuprofen bottle! What could go wrong?
Also, feel free to get freaky.
Sure, we may be in a pandemic, but that doesn't mean you should let that talented tongue go to waste!
Or get stoned.
For the pandemic to end, we should probably all get stoned. That way, at least we won't remember everything that's going on.
The CDC also suggests you change the way you wipe.
It's never too late to reinvent your entire bathroom routine. Your private parts will love the switch-up!
...and your hairstyle.
Talk about a great disguise! Between getting bangs and wearing a face mask, your face will be really hard to see.
The CDC says it's time to define the relationship.
Make him commit! Or call it quits!
The CDC* also has some advice for cats.
*This tweet may have been written by a cat.
OK, but all laughs aside: If you're feeling nervous about the CDC's latest guidelines, feel to take all the extra precautions you want. At the end of the day, you're in control of your health. Period.
You can also search Twitter to see what other medical professionals are saying about the CDC's latest guidelines. Just because doctors aren't chiming in on "the CDC says trend," it doesn't mean they don't have some thoughts.